Do you feel uncomfortable when another person wants to limit your area of development and growth? Do you deal with someone who pushes your buttons in a way that gets you mad or upset? What do you do when someone steps on the limits of your comfort zone?
These questions refers to the kind of people that you will learn how to deal with, by using the following three powerful coaching techniques explained on this blog very easily. You may try each one of them and see for your self which one of them fits your situation better.
Nevertheless, the following coaching techniques require that you practice them always, even if you are not successful at the beginning. But that's only because you will be developing your skills on these techniques. And more importantly, you must develop patience and persistence. Here they are:
This means, act, talk, and think using the same energy level used by the DP. For example, use the same body language DP is using, speak with the same speed and tone of voice they speak, be direct and brief in your message.
Do not imitate them. Show respect. Pacing is about getting in their energy level for communication. Do it respectfully.
Imagine just for a moment that you are in their skin and feel the energy they use to communicate with you. This is not about escalating your behaviour or theirs. This about letting them know your message via their own energy.
This technique requires practice. Even if you get it right the first time, you may get it wrong the next time. Don't be disappointed, keep practicing. Be curious and pay attention to their reaction to your communication. This is the feedback you need to adjust your pacing.
2.- Don't Play their Power Game
DP have realised that their dominant behaviour have brought them reward and satisfaction in their lives. This behaviour has worked for them beautifully. Therefore, they repeat their dominant and controlling behaviour again and again, so they feel the flavor of victory when they get what they want in the way they want it.
They have been building their personality based on these experiences because they have had success with applying dominant behaviours. One of their favourite strategy is to rope you into an argument and try to break you down with nonsense and unfair statements. They love to taste how far they can go testing you.
Do not fall in this trap. Don't argue with DP because this is what they want. Dps love arguing. Avoid any chance to accept their invitation to argue. Instead, take a deep breath and imaging yourself observing the waves of your favourite beach, relax and breath. Don't show any reaction. But if you really must, then say something as neutral as possible and avoid to give a reason to start an argument. You could say something like: "I'm hearing what you're saying but let me think about it" and leave the place.
DP will try to push your buttons to make you upset or angry, so they can get their way and feel that they have won the confrontation. They are passionate about wining arguments, no matter how they get to win.
Calmly Be Firm and Assertive
This is not about showing yourself aggressive. You don't need to show yourself mad or angry in order to make a firm statement. This is about being firm when expressing your statement. On the contrary, be emotionless.
Dominant People, DP, don't accept boundaries easily. But that's their business. Ours is about teaching them how to treat us and also, we must remain them ALWAYS when they are crossing the boundaries.
Tell a DP when they have crossed a boundary. If an invitation to argue start, don't play the power game. Just be calm, express yourself emotionless and bring into awareness your boundaries.
Don't show emotions while DP tries to break you down because that is exactly what they want you to do. Instead, breath deeply and slowly. Imaging yourself in a very relaxed scenario and when you are ready to continue talking, say your message again. Be firm.
Remember, DP only knows how to be dominant and controlling because that's what has worked for them so far... until now. Don't take it personally. They were already ticking that way before they met you.
If someone you love or someone you care about is a DP, explain them the reasons why you love them or care about them, and also, bring into their awareness the behaviour that is affecting your relation and how you would like this person to behave with you. Love and kindness is a powerful intermediary.
Maria Griselda Mueller
is a professional coach specialized in expats and cross-cultural support. She is originally from Venezuela, has lived in more than ten countries around the world and has a Master certification in psychological coaching.